Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
