Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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