so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
