All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
