I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
