You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
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