I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
