Someone shit on the floor
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
