so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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