Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
