The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
