she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
