i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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