I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
