I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
