sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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