all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
