Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
