The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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