I'm fucking your sister right now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.