apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.