Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
