My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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