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This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.