i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well