Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
