just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
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this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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