So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
