we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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