There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
