It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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