When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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