I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
