shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
