The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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