if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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