SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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