if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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