If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
