Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
