she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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