she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
