Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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