I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
