Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
