Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
