The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
