this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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