i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
