I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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