Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
