Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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