hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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