no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
