I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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