He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
