why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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