He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
