I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
