Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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