she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
