YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
