I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
