i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
