Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
