I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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