Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
