I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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