I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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