Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
