I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
