Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
