I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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