So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
