its not stalking. its research.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
