I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
