i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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