The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
