The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
