Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
