you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
