I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
