3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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