I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
